handwriting

sunbeams

drift

through

the windows framing

your hair.

 

which is

blond.

 

i tried

to tell you

everything

i wanted to

because i thought

at the end

maybe this would feel

better.

 

simpler.

 

i can’t

breathe easy

these days have

trouble falling

to sleep when i

want to.

 

clouds

drift across the horizon.

 

sunbeams

flow like

water through

the window.

 

a quiet nest of colours

books & blankets.

 

check again

for any messages

from you.

 

feels like hope.

 

feels like

hanging in suspension waiting

to fall i

wish i could forget

all of this

for a second

but i don’t.

 

open my mouth.

 

stumbling on words eyes zoning out i am drifting through the ocean of words.

 

i tried

to predict

the future.

 

but i couldn’t.

 

scraps of paper handwriting on your notebook.

 

magnetism.

 

[deep breath…]

 

telling you

everything

gives me

vertigo.

 

part of me

would call it

betrayal of

a promise

that meant everything

to you & i’m

so sorry it

had to be this way

but you left me

no other options.

 

& i keep

forgetting all

the important parts that

i will later remember whisper over

& over i wish i could tell you

all the things i meant

to say.

 

& all

the flyaway

puzzle pieces

keep drifting

back together i’m

a mess of

remembered dreams &

forgotten bones.

 

i’m sorry. this is hard to talk about.

 

[deep breath…]

 

pencil on paper.

 

[deep breath…]

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