for the only outside friend i’ve got today.

 

i’m

scared

it’ll

break

the

glass

in

your

windowpanes

if

you

find

out

what

i

really

think

i’m

scared

safe

haven

was

just

a

pretty

word

we

tossed

around

too

quickly

i’m

scared

if

i

let

you

into

my

skin

you

won’t

like

me

anymore.

 

i’m

scared

if

you

found

out

the

parts

of

me

that

thought

differently

you

would

just

nod

&

pretend

to

be

ok

but

it’s

not

ok.

 

it’s not ok.

 

i’m

scared

it’ll

be

like

triggering

an

earthquake.

 

it’s

not

even

that

big

a

secret it’s

just

not the

1st

way i

describe

myself

to the

people

i love because

the people

you love

are

not expandable.

 

you are not expendable you’re my best friend you’re not something i can give up.

 

scared

it’ll

be like

announcing

a disability.

 

a pulsing

heartbeat i

kept

hidden

from you.

 

i guess that’s the cost of really knowing me.

 

i will

have to break

something

eventually.

 

what

can

i

do

to

keep

this

pillowed

space

safe

safe

safe?

 

you don’t

know it

yet.

 

my best

friend.

 

but

every morning

i look

out

the window.

 

knowing

you’re

a little

further

away from me.

 

our time

is limited.

 

before

you

start to

ask questions.

 

i hate that,

a little.

 

sometimes

i wonder if

i can only

love people

from far far away.

 

another island

not even in

the same chain

kind of far

away.

 

god. i miss you already.

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