box

my heart is a treasure chest. ok? i’m not just letting you in so you can laugh but you may anyhow. this is the tax i have to pay on happiness unfortunately. the snow makes it look like we’re in a snow globe falls like a fluffy white blanket. it is beautiful especially at first. my heart is a treasure chest. you know how couples lock their marriages on fences and throw away the key? my self-hatred & i did that. when i was little. the metal i haul around all day is heavy & although i can forget about it there are only split-seconds when it feels irrelevant. the snow is furious. i stay inside trying to avoid frostbite. when you have something to do it isn’t so bad the days of quiet i could live with this. i’ve only lead you in here with courage & some bolt cutters. my heart is a locker i rarely use i have almost forgotten the numbers. my heart is something i never thought you’d see my heart is a kingdom i stumbled into like alice accidentally. my heart is a quiet torture chamber where i grind my backbone away with long hours. my heart is the snowstorm outside. my heart is one-way glass & i can’t tell who really sees me & who is just staring at the wall. opening their throat like a bird wanting to be fed. trying to scream & coming up with nothing nothing really. the snow is furious now. by afternoon we will have a foot. you will tarnish this place. you will walk on the highway not realizing you are leaving ice behind you. i wanna baptize myself but i don’t believe water or god knows forgiveness. i don’t even believe there is a god. (but what if.) my heart is a tree that didn’t realize it needed leaves to grow. my heart is a tree. i am buried in snow. why do you always call the piercing white blankness inside me beautiful?

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