i’m crying in a closet – a poem

i am crying in a closet(1)

i’m crying in a closet. i’m literally crying in a closet. i’m melting into myself because i haven’t been sleeping enough of late. of late. of late. too late. i’m crying because time keeps passing. i’m crying because i don’t think i’m good enough to be dreaming. i’m crying because the  light is blinding. i’m crying because you don’t understand. i’m crying because all the beautiful things are shards of glass shattering and scratching as they make their way down my skin. i’m crying in a closet because you don’t understand. i am crying in my closet because i guess this is a tough world. i’m crying in a closet because you ask how i grow so fast and i say crying so much has a way of making your mind sharpen itself into a dagger like this. i am crying in a closet, trying my hardest to convince you. i am crying in a closet. and my skull is like a shell cracking open. i am crying in a closet, and i don’t know who i am because you own me. and you control me. and i can’t tell the difference between what you’ve said and what my brain tells me and i guess that’s the problem anyway. i am crying in a closet because there’s nothing that doesn’t influence me. i am crying in a closet, locking my feelings up again not because i don’t think they’re worth sharing. but because i’m honestly not sure what you would do if you knew about it. because i love a lot of people but honestly i don’t completely trust anybody. because, i mean, i’ve never tried. but when you grow up feeling out of control in your body, why would i ever let someone else inside me? i am crying in a closet. because i think if i came out of the dark, you’d be too colourblind to see properly and sometimes it’s just easier to close your eyes and just. not. tell. anybody.


i have a little mental breakdown corner in my bedroom, in my closet. when i feel scared, or sad, or angry, i grab my laptop and curl up inside it, and cry, or scream into the blankets. or whatever i need to do. sometimes, it’s just the safety, inside the darkness of it all. so yeah, this is a completely true story, i actually wrote it inside the closet while feeling like i could never trust anybody to know about my emotions.


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