adrenaline

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and the adrenaline comes for me, like a wolf after prey. and it’s nearly after midnight and the keyboard lags way too much for my mind. and i can’t breathe. and you’re gone, and it’s broken it’s broken it’s all broken and i can’t do this. can’t examine my thoughts like i can pry apart this mess  inside as my heart spins into overdrive and self-hate and paranoia spread across my mind, and if one little thing goes wrong i swear it’ll bring down the sky. and it’s so late at night, and my mind freezes in time. and my mind is melting, and my mind is so broken inside, and i just want to touch you so i can remind myself that you’re still alive. and the adrenaline comes for me, and i try to hold my breath but it’s so hard to just not start screaming because the sky shatters inside me but it’s only inside me and of course you can’t see any of the shit that goes down inside my mind. and the screen light is a spotlight and it’s cast on my face and the camera is pointing at me and my self-esteem is yours because i strung myself onto this puppet string and it’s all yours and i’m. all. yours. and i am the monster. and i am the coffin. and i am the darkness pressing in around my skin. and i am one, small, faint, whisper. i am the metal shell of a glacier. and i don’t know when this happened. i don’t know when i slipped out of myself. i just know that there is nothing left here anymore.

 


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