1a.m.

i don’t know how to talk about this part. the part… where i’m not perfect. where i am a kid and i am tired. the part where sometimes, i just want to curl up, and close my eyes and let the darkness bury me for a really long time.

and i am falling, i am falling, i am falling. and maybe i pushed myself off this cliff once upon a time, but it’s not a decision. it was never a decision. it was you, all along, wasn’t it? squirming through my thoughts, and fucking up my head. 

i don’t know how to talk about this part. the part where i am a person. with limits, and flaws. a person who doesn’t always know what the answer is. 

so keep going. keep going. keep going. keep working, and working, and working, like if i grind my own marrow into word count it’ll build the future they never believed i could have from nothing.

until i can barely keep your my eyes open. and i’m not sure, but i think it’s 1 in the morning.

and i will hide in the darkness, and pretend nothing is wrong with this, and i am and productive, and functional, and everything is fine, because if i sacrifice enough pieces of myself, i can still compensate, all right…


I really did write this at 1a.m., for the record. Listen to the spoken word version here

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