i don’t know how to talk about this part. the part… where i’m not perfect. where i am a kid and i am tired. the part where sometimes, i just want to curl up, and close my eyes and let the darkness bury me for a really long time.
and i am falling, i am falling, i am falling. and maybe i pushed myself off this cliff once upon a time, but it’s not a decision. it was never a decision. it was you, all along, wasn’t it? squirming through my thoughts, and fucking up my head.
i don’t know how to talk about this part. the part where i am a person. with limits, and flaws. a person who doesn’t always know what the answer is.
so keep going. keep going. keep going. keep working, and working, and working, like if i grind my own marrow into word count it’ll build the future they never believed i could have from nothing.
until i can barely keep your my eyes open. and i’m not sure, but i think it’s 1 in the morning.
and i will hide in the darkness, and pretend nothing is wrong with this, and i am and productive, and functional, and everything is fine, because if i sacrifice enough pieces of myself, i can still compensate, all right…
