i am alive

i guess this is what it feels like. to get better, bit by bit. so slow, and agonizing we barely even notice it.

i guess this is what it feels like. to breathe in the night sky through tired lungs with tears in our eyes; frost melting down our shoulders. ice-cold water, oversaturated colours.

i guess this is what it feels like. to take the first step forward, despite the cold. gritting our teeth, and eyes slammed closed, and the mountain is so tall, and some days we just want to give up. some days, we fall.

some days our arms shake, and the tears pour down our cheeks, and we let go. and we break some bones. and we’re left stranded in the middle of nowhere, all alone.

some days we cup snow in our palms, and wait for the flowers to grow. some days we scream up at the sky and beg it for a tiny piece of hope.  

but we’ll get up. like we always do. despite the labyrinth in our heads, and all the fucking battle wounds. we’ll smash apart the sky, and push until the mountains move.

because we are alive.

because it’s okay to fall apart.

because i know we’ll make it through.

because no matter how hard it tried… the fall could not destroy you.


I really wanted to build some raw, sensory descriptive language in this poem–something I’m not normally super good at doing in my writing. So I hope I did a good job at that, this was definitely an experimental-ish piece for me, as well as something I’ve been kind of working on on and off for about a week now, so yeah, it definitely feels good to finally have it done. Even though this doesn’t contain anything I can think of that needs a trigger warning, this got me tearing up, and I feel like most people who read my blog are probably going through something, so if you need to talk to anyone no matter what that something is, find a crisis line in your area here. ❤

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