i’d cry. because boy, do i want to cry. but i don’t have the energy. and i’d tell you all about it, but… everything is just… so… heavy.
and i’d do something other than procrastinate on my schoolwork, and stay up too late. but if i did that, i’d also have to actually fix my brain.
and i’d take a shower. and get dressed. and i’d do something with my life other than sit here, scrolling through my phone. pretending this is gonna make me feel better. when i know full well it isn’t.
and what’s the point? because no matter what path i take… at some point or other, they’re all going to end.
at some point or other, i’m going to find myself. dying on a hospital bed. and did i really even matter? in the end?
because i’m just another person, made of skin and bone. and that’s nothing you won’t forget.
Oh boy, I have been in a toxic cycle of late, to, um… put it mildly. Being stuck at home with very limited things to do other than work, read, listen to podcasts, FaceTime friends, and watch TV, all of which I just sort of do in various different orders, rinse, repeat. You know the drill. It’s slowly making me lose my mind.