sensitivity

bleeding colours / and i bite into my cheeks / and suddenly the whole world is spinning / and my ribcage caves in / all too quickly / and this is the thing about anxiety / if you give in / you can follow it straight down to infinity / neon lights and brain-dead eyes / and i struggle for words / and suddenly / i’m drowning in the dizzying rush of textures / and i can’t think through this / don’t know what you’re supposed to do about this / so just get it out as fast as you can / cheap and dirty / because that’s / all that matters anyway / shaking fingers and shattered ceramic / on the kitchen floor / as thunder roars in my mind / and is this what it feels like to die? / broken fuse / cast aside / but hey / at least / it looked good / on instagram / right?


I don’t know why, but a couple weeks ago I was really struggling with sensory overload. For some reason, it seems to have gone away, but as I wrote this it was becoming really, really hard to deal with. The littlest things, like my parents talking at the other end of my house, or the blender turning on would send me into panic. It felt like the walls were caving in around me or something. Everything became too much. And I didn’t know how to escape it, Still don’t. What do you do when even the slightest stimulus feels like it’s attacking you? When the walls felt like they were choking you?

Anyhow, yeah.  It’s just really hard, when you don’t even feel safe in your own body. I guess. I don’t know why it happened, or what triggered it. I don’t know if it’ll ever be coming back, but… it’s a thing. And it happened. And I guess, somehow, I got through it.

 

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