i fall asleep with the lights on

i still sleep with teddy bears, sometimes. clutch an empty body close to my chest, listening to the steady thrum of your heart like it’s all that i have left.

and i still get nightmares, sometimes. wake up covered in a cold sweat, the wild west wind brushing gently through my hair.

i still sleep with the light on, sometimes. when i get scared. when the monsters under the bed start to growl, and all i want to do is vanish into thin air.

listening to disney music on repeat like some kind of twisted prayer, and imagining the notes can somehow replace you. but they can’t.

and… they don’t want to.

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