it’s been a long night

you know how it starts. scrolling through twitter for two hours straight, in your mess of a bedroom.

and maybe you haven’t eaten since seven, when cried into your cereal. maybe you woke up to the sound of sirens. or maybe your brain is just like this.

and so your stomach begins to twist. because you’ve been riding a rollercoaster that you didn’t sign up for for weeks now. kicking, and screaming, and begging to be let out.

so maybe your fingers shake as you type. maybe your thoughts flash like thunder through your mind. maybe your feet fall asleep, and the rest of your body sure as hell wants to. because it’s been a long night.

and maybe you freeze in place, every time someone meets your eyes. because i know i do. maybe your body feels like a tired grandfather clock; rusty gears this close to giving up….

maybe my mom is right. maybe we will survive. maybe i’ll live past thirty. maybe i’ll have a nice, happy life.

maybe the grass is greener on the other side. but it’s hard to see that right now.

so i’m sorry. for my cold, jaded edges. for my razor-sharp self hatred. i just don’t know what to do.

because the world is on fire. and i still can’t hate you.

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