september: month in photography

Hey guys! Welcome to the first installment of a series I hope can continue for quite a long time. Month in Photography will be a series of photos I took, throughout the course of the month–think of it like a little scrapbook, but on the internet.

I want to be able to highlight the good memories, and look back on the positives–as well as the negatives. I want to build some kind of memorial to what actually happened, to look back on when I need it.

I have a tendency to forget about those good things–to let my depression trick me into losing sight of who I am. But… I want to keep those memories, hold them close. Because they matter.

September has been… I mean, it’s been a month? God, I don’t know. In all honesty, it’s hard to believe it’s over.

I went back to school. And as I record this–I mean, I’ve gotten anxious, of course I have, but I haven’t had to hide in the bathroom hyperventilating, or anything like that. Whenever I feel the sickening fear creeping up on me, I’ve always been able to bring myself back down to earth. And I’m really proud of that.

It feels really good. To just see people again. I don’t care, if they have their masks on, or if they’re six feet away–all I need to know, is that there’s someone out there. That I’m not just a bunch of pixels, floating around the internet. Or whatever.

I am scared. I am scared, of where the world is going. I’m scared I’m not doing enough. And in many ways, this has been a month tinged with absolute terror–that I’m going to get used to this new normal, only for it to be ripped away again. I don’t know what to do with that. How to just sit with it in my mind.

But I got through this month. And it wasn’t as bad as I thought. And that’s something, right?

08/37/2020

I live near the beach, and love to go on long walks and take photos. This one was taken right at the beginning of September, when I went on one of this walks with my earbuds in, listening to a podcast. I lost track of time, and ended up staying out past dark, but it was worth it. I felt at peace, that night.

09/07/2020

My friend and I went exploring around my neighbourhood the other day, and despite living here my whole life, I never realized how much of my little world I’ve never seen before. We found this little secret trail I never noticed, and followed it together, not knowing where it would take us, and walked along the beach, talking about light teenager topics, like taxing the rich. It was a good memory, I don’t know. That day felt so deeply magical.

09/14/2020

The week I took this was rough, not gonna lie. As I write this, I am in the process of going off Zoloft–a medication. (With the advise of my doctor, don’t worry.) It’s just not been effective the past year, and so I made the decision to change to a new medication. I’ve done this before, though, but I’ve never experienced withdrawal before. And it is difficult. Just being off any medication at all is awful. It has been hard, and scary, and… I’ve been feeling really lost. Yesterday, I went on a walk, and I took this photo.

09/14/2020

The same fence from before, on a different day, from a different angle.

09/14/2020

The smoke has finally begun to clear up, as rain has just been coming down torrentially, over the past few days. The day I took this photo was the first time I had seen the sky in ages.

09/28/2020

There’s a little trail near my house that I love to go walking on after school. I’ve walked there my whole life, and it’s become really close to my heart, I suppose. The leaves are starting to turn yellow, and fall. I went on a walk this evening, after dinner, and listened to my favourite podcast, and thought about life. And I took this picture.

09/28/2020

This was taken a few minutes later, on the same walk the last photo was taken. I just felt really at peace, I don’t know. Sometimes, you just need to not think, about anything at all.

To be totally honest, I am scared of what October is going to bring. And I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way. The world is a really terrifying place to live in right now. I can’t deny that, I can’t make it suddenly better. But I do know that amid all of this, there are good things. Small, beautiful moments. Dandelions blooming between the slabs of concrete, against all odds.

Or something. I’m really tired. Honestly, I don’t know.

Hang in there, is what I’m trying to get at. Please take care. We’ll catch up next month!

Lots of love,

dragonwritesthings