reminiscence

you don’t remember it all that well. but it happened, didn’t it? if the photo albums have… anything to say about it.

and as your fingers graze through the layers of dust, cough a little, and wipe the years of history off on your cream-coloured dress.

you don’t remember it all that well. and yet you’re still shattered into pieces because of it. and sometimes, it all comes rushing back. and sometimes… it’s okay. you can move on, now. it doesn’t have to define you for the rest of your life, and you are so much more than all of the things other people may have said about you.

and sometimes you are there in my head. telling me who i am. and what to do. pinning me to the wall by my shoulders. and maybe i’ll stay there forever. because i would never want to upset you…

sometimes, i look you up on instagram. and i wonder what you’re up to.

but it’s long past time now. come on, little girl. wipe away the dust, and clear out the shelves of the stories they gave you.

it’s time… it’s time to write something new.


I’ve always been the type to get stuck in the past… well, more than a little bit. I’m definitely guilty of holding a grudge, and developing strong opinions based off past experiences. I think we all are, at least to some degree–it’s human nature.

And it’s also something I’ve been considering, of late. How, well, reflecting on the past is great, to a degree. But it can also be incredibly destructive. I’ve spent so long living my life based off what happened to me when I was seven. And… I’m not seven anymore.

For ages, those memories have governed everything I do, and honestly, it’s getting kind of old–living this kind of half-life, because all I can think about most days is keeping myself safe from ever being bullied like I was then again.

I’m just… I think, after so long, I’m ready to leave all the painful memories from that period of my life in the past. Not to forget that it happened–but to give it a funeral, and lay flowers on its grave, and take a deep breath… and move on to something new.

It’ll still come back to me, sometimes. Of course it will. And when it does, I will remind myself that I’m safe, and that things are better now. That I am worth so much more than the things that people said to me as a kid. And that I deserve to move past this. And so do you.

Lots of love,

dragonwritesthings

12:32

i don’t know what’s up with me tonight. but i just wanted to say that, well… as bad as i am at saying it out loud, i love you, all right?

just in case… i die. or maybe you’re feeling sad, and you just needed to hear that tonight. because i know that everything feels scary right now.

but for what it’s worth, i promise… it will pass. somehow.

and someday, i’ll be able to hold you in my arms, and let that feeling last. without the slightest hint of fear sneaking through my brain.

and we will walk along the side of the highway, eating candy from the general store. stop by the farmer’s market, wander through the graveyard, and make it home just before dark. because god, is some small fragment of normalcy overdue.

but for now, just know that on may 12, 2020, at 12:32 am… i love you.


God, editing this really takes me back–I wrote this what feels like ages ago. I just remember feeling really lonely, and not being able to sleep, and really wanting to get some writing done at 12:32 at night, only I couldn’t think of any good titles–so I just put in the time my computer said, and kind of went from there. During quarantine, reflecting on my relationships was both really healthy and helpful and really unhealthy and destructive–since reflection and nostalgia can pretty quickly lead to obsession for me.

For a bit of context, this piece was written right before we were officially allowed to widen our social bubbles (I think that’s what they’re called but I don’t know, I’m tired) in BC, Canada, my home. But there was a two week period between when that was announced and when it actually went into affect, so for those two weeks I was just feeling really torn and scared and excited, and thinking a lot about my relationships, and what it means to be a good friend. And then… this piece was born.

Anyhow. I’m gonna watch a studio ghibli movie, because they’re on Netflix in Canada now, and I’ve been working pretty much all day today and I want to do something nice for myself for a change–so I should probably get going, but I hope you guys enjoyed this post, and make sure to keep updated on the blog, because I have a big project coming out in the next couple weeks that I’m super excited about, and I’m not telling you guys any more yet, but just know that it’s really close to my heart, and I can’t wait for you to see it. 🙂

Lots of love,

dragonwritesthings

butterfly; pinned to the cutting board

you’ll cry out for help. just like you always do. and just like always… no one’s coming to save you.

you’ll rest your hopes, and dreams, on those neon-bright wings and maybe this is all one big dream. maybe you’re going to wake up, because you have to wake up, any fucking second

but you don’t. and instead, all you can feel is the knife poised against your fragile, trembling abdomen. the burning heat… the smoke starting to engulf you… and this is it, isn’t it? so go on. sing me one last beautiful, effervescent song.

but don’t bother trying, little girl. because begging for your life isn’t going to work out for anyone.


Inspired by this prompt. I never pegged myself as the “prompts” type of gal, but I guess I’ve been having trouble writing poetry that does just fall into the same themes I usually choose to write, and just really pushing myself to branch out, and sometimes prompts can be really helpful for that, just in terms of forcing me to step out of my comfort zone. I was considering writing a little note at the bottom of this about what was going through my head as I wrote this, but honestly, I’m really not sure, and I’m still processing a lot of the feelings in this poem–and I think it kinda reads better when the reader is left to interpret it however they’d like to. So yeah, I guess if this was relatable in any way for you, feel free to leave or a comment, and otherwise, I hope you enjoyed. 🙂

Lots of love,

dragonwritesthings

tick, tock

time is running out, you know. tick, tock. no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough.

and you’re going to die someday. you know that, right? but will they even remember you? and when it comes down to it, do you honestly even want them too? tick, tock.

is this really how you want to spend your life? wasting your time on some good-for-nothing blog? because it’s not like you’re making any progress, sitting on your computer all day like a weirdo. tick, tock.

you don’t have much longer left to live, you know. and are you sure this is right? yes, or no?

a year gone by in the blink of an eye. and why is it so hard for me to let this go?


I’ve spent my whole life just feeling like I’ve been running out of time.

I have this compulsive desire to just get out content faster, and faster, because if I don’t… I don’t know. People are going to forget about me.

Often, it feels like I’m just trying to get through my life as quick as possible, like there’ll be a reward for never taking the time to enjoy anything or actually make things I care about and am genuinely proud of. I don’t know if this is a girl thing, or a Gen-Z thing, or just a human thing, but I feel like my whole life people have been telling me that there’s only so much time left to reach my goals and achieve my dreams–that if I’m not famous by eighteen, I may as well resign myself to a life of barely being able to pay rent, a deteriorating marriage, kids I hate, etc. Which is, obviously, bullshit–there’s no time limit on when you can pursue a dream, and obviously a lot of different ways to be successful, most of which don’t involve fame and riches. And although this mindset, in part, has been a huge motivating factor… well, it’s also been a cause for a lot of unhappiness, and it’s something I’ve been really trying to revaluate these past couple weeks.

Does anyone else ever feel this way? I don’t know, if you feel like it, let me know in the comments I guess? Thanks so much for reading as always. 🙂

Lots of love,

dragonwritesthings

golden

you know, it’s funny. the things you would do for love, when you’re just a little kid. how you’d lie right through your teeth, for one single second of undivided care and admiration.

it’s crazy. how your mind plays tricks on you. how success is relative, but i still have to be the best in every single room. how childhood was never really an option. because if you don’t work harder, no one will ever want you.

so don’t you get it? i’m perfect. for this one, glorious moment, as the sunlight serenades my skin, i am king midas. golden.

because this was never about me. and it was always about you. about the hole in my chest, where flowers grew among the broken shards of glass, but no light peeked through.

you always said i was a hungry kid. and i think i finally know why that’s true.


Part 5000 in my quarantine nostalgia poems but make it really depressing, because actually, it turns out being a little kid kinda sucks, if you’re me anyway.

Back during this time in my life, I remember feeling so alone. I was always the odd one out in every situation imaginable, and everyone must secretly hate me. But, I don’t know, if there’s anything that growing up has taught me, it’s that we’re never the only ones who feel the way we do, and that… I don’t know, this sounds cheesy, but… there’s community, where you least expect it. And I promise, I’m not just saying that.

I guess that’s why I started this blog, in the end. I don’t know if it’s helped anyone, but if it’s made even one person feel just a little bit less isolated in their feelings… then all of this is worth it, to me. Because it’s what I wish I had been able to find during my darkest times, and what I still wish there was more of out there in the world. So I hope that this site, if you actively follow it, has been able to do that for you–and I hope this post in some way or other spoke to you. 🙂

Lots of love,

dragonwritesthings