so. i realize that i probably should have posted this sooner. my poetry deals with a lot of heavy stuff, and i understand that people who read it are probably pretty messy, like me.

this is going to be an ongoing list of any mental health resources i find on the internet.

everyday stuff to help you cope

  • mindshift– app designed to help manage anxiety
  • self-harm coping techniques
  • dan jones hynpnosis (for anyone who struggles to sleep)
  • calm harm– app designed to help manage self-harm, available on the app store
  • clear fear– app designed to help manage anxiety, available on the app store
  • woebot– robot designed to help you cope on a day-to-day basis with mental illness, only available for those who are of legal age
  • replika– robot designed to help you cope on a day-to-day basis with mental illness, available for all ages


crisis lines

i get hits from all over the place, so i can’t recommend anyone specific for you. but i can give you this list! and this one! and this one! and this one! and this one! it’s not a replacement for long-term therapy, but it does help a lot when you’re in a moment of crisis and you feel alone to just talk to someone. if your region isn’t listed on any of the above lists, try googling “crisis lines *insert where you live*”

for me, i’ve usually spent 90 mins talking to counsellors there, including time on hold, so make sure you have enough time. if you’re living at home and you don’t want the people you’re living with to know, try going out in the backyard or on the balcony if you have one, where your conversation will at least be somewhat private, or taking your cell somewhere you can have a private conversation, or text a helpline and say you’re texting a friend.

does counselling/therapy help?

i can’t speak for everyone. but i know i am talking to a therapist, and for me it hasn’t helped everything, but does make my brain feel a little more steady. in my limited experience, counselling usually costs $125 per session, which is more than a lot of people can pay. try looking for charities that offer free counseling? in my town, there’s a service this charity offers, where they’ll pay for up to five sessions of your counselling if you can prove you can’t afford to pay. i’m in canada, so i can’t speak for everyone, but i know you can also get counselling from the government, free of charge, which is how i’m now getting therapy, but i think that’s only available in certain provinces.


i’m on meds–i haven’t figured out the right dose yet, but i am currently taking them, and although nothing has helped so far, i do know that medication certainly can help, and so far has not changed my cognitive/creative abilities whatsoever.


i am not a doctor! i am writing this because, honestly, i’ve felt really alone and lost in this mental chaos, and i still do, and if any of you guys reading this feel that way too, i want to give realistic, honest guidance. BUT… i’m only one person. everyone’s experience is different. if you guys want to talk about your own experiences with mental illness, i’d love to hear about it in the comments. also, if you have any resources you can reccomend, please leave a link in the comments and i’ll shove it up here as soon as i can.


announcements and youtube

hello universe! how are you doing? i hope you’re doing better than i am.

i’ve been struggling a lot with getting enough sleep, which has led to a whole bunch of other stuff. i’ve been checking things a lot and having a lot of compulsions, which really sucks, not to mention that my brain generally associates exhaustion with depression. in terms of poetry, that makes my worst days really productive… but in terms of my mental health, it’s horrible. yesterday, i honestly felt like my brain was just slowly melting away. i’ve been having a lot of intrusive thoughts, and because it’s been so hard to sleep it means my brain is less likely to be able to dispute them. often it feels like my brain is being yanked out of my skull by someone else. like i’m only barely in control of myself. i’m trying to sleep more, but honestly, late nights are a huge refuge for me, and for a couple hours when my brain is silent and everything is peaceful and easy. which means i’m usually up until around midnight, and when i usually get woken up at seven, that means i’m only get seven hours of sleep when i’m supposed to be getting nine. and then i feel terrible the next day, and the cycle continues. i’m trying to deal with it, and i know at some point i’ll feel better… i’m just not sure when that someday is going to come around.

another thing that’s really been bugging me is the summer break. as you can tell, i’m making a major effort to keep myself busy and stimulated at all times. normally, summer is when my anxiety gets at its worst, because there’s a complete lack of schedule. i end up stuck in my house for hours on end, desperately trying to escape the tick-tock of my head. i’m really determined to not let that happen this year. but i’m also scared that it is going to happen. that’s part of why i’m making this massive of an effort to overwork myself. it helps to have something to put your mind to; otherwise i just spin around in circles indefinitely.

like i said above, i hope that you’re doing better than i am, but if you need to talk to anyone, here’s a masterlist of international crisis lines for you. ❤

so, on a more technical note, i have suddenly realized how simple it is to make a basic youtube video with a pretty looking cover photo. so from now on, i’m going to be posting youtube videos whenever i have enough time to do a spoken word recording, which is given i’m on summer break, probably about once a week. i’ll probably set up a regular posting system sometime later on, but right now honestly i’m wanting to give myself some time to figure out the whole youtube thing. after that, i’ll work out a posting day and i’ll probably post once a week, or something like that. over the summer, i’m gonna try and get into spoken word a lot, both online and offline, so expect a lot more spoken word in the future. if you want to check out my youtube channel, you can either click the youtube icon at the top of my blog or do that here. i’ve posted two videos as i write this on my youtube, and you can listen by using the below videos. 🙂

hopefully, there are more videos soon to come. 🙂

in case you missed it, i have three stories on wattpad now, all of which are steadily gaining readership. you can read them here, here, and here. 🙂

also! poems went up today! yay! read them here, here, here, here, and here. hope you like them. 🙂

big hug and deep breath,