calamity

some nights, i have a hard time falling sleep. so i just stare at the ceiling, for hours. wondering how much time we have left, before the next calamity.

and you know, one time, i saw this post on pinterest. about how pessimism is just lovely. because you’re either right, or pleasantly surprised, or paranoid, and hopeless, all the goddamn time.

because it eats away at you. when you’re not looking. when you’re on a walk, when you’re watching tv. and you won’t even notice until it’s 1am, and you open up safari on your phone, searching for things like i’m scared and help me.

until your shoulders slump, like the weight of the sky is rested upon them. until your patience is slowly chiselled away. and it’s all so broken, you have to laugh. a little. despite yourself. because fuck it all, anyway.

because it’s been weeks since i’ve gotten a good night’s sleep. because i’ve grown numb to the headlines, but sometimes, i check the news and just cry. and i think that this system has been broken… for a really long time.