january 10th, 2020

looking down on my own cage from far, far away, and dear god, why can’t you just leave me alone?

slipping out of my own skin, ever-so-slow. and it’s all so stupid, and messy. and i don’t want to go outside, okay? i don’t want to fucking know.

because there’s nothing i can do anyway. because my mind is on fire anyway. because maybe mental health is just an entitled first-world construct anyway. and maybe i don’t deserve to be happy.

maybe… maybe this is it. maybe this is where the world ends, and the sky collapses, or maybe it’s just my brain being melodramatic. but if it is… i can’t tell the difference.


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so i’m launching a podcast!!

Hey guys! Just a quick note to announce something that I probably should have announced a while ago, but I kind of have been so busy it slipped my mind, and anyhow, here we are! So, without further ado, as the title indicates, I am…

*drumroll please*

*take a wild guess you guys*

LAUNCHING A PODCAST SOON! ISH! LIKE BY THE END OF MARCH I FEEL LIKE PROBABLY!

I don’t have the exact release date down, other than that I have about ten episodes left to record and five left to write, but I’ll let you know as I get to the point where I’m done enough with this project that I can put a date on when it’ll be ready to get out into the world. 🙂

What is it about?

Sonnets of a Teenage Wannabe is a mix of nonfiction podcast and audio drama. My goal is for it to have this really intimidate, ambient feel, like a late-night phone call with someone you haven’t talked to in a long time. It’s told in bite-sized, diary entries discussing pretty much whatever’s on my mind, mixed with found audio and some music here and there. It’s honest and heartfelt and gentle and I hope it can be there for you, on the long nights or days, when you can’t breathe, when you don’t want to move, when you just want it all to stop, when feel completely alone in the world. I hope it can be there for you.

(Wow, that actually turned out really elegant and poetic, wow, I am so proud of myself right now.)

Where can I listen to it?

I’m still really new to this and learning how the whole podcasty thing works, but if everything goes according to plan it should be available on basically every popular podcast streaming platform–Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Spotify, Pandora, etc. (If there are any streaming services you’d like to request, just drop me a comment.) It’ll also be available to stream on this website, I’ll put a link in here when it launches. (And also, it’ll be on my main menu, so yeah.)

Does it cost to listen to it?

Nope! I do have a Patreon that’s a bit of a mess right now but feel free to chuck money at me if you like my stuff, the link is here. 🙂

Um, yeah, I think that’s pretty much it. I can’t wait for you guys to see this thing, I’m so freaking proud of it, and I hope you love the show as much as I do. Okay, um, with that out of the way, Dragon out! 🙂

 

make it stop

trigger warning: suicidal thoughts mention, self-harm mention, general heavy content. need to talk to anyone? crisis lines are here.

fingers digging into my palms. why do i fantasize about self-harm so much, even on a good day?  

why am i weak like this? why did i cut myself again, digging one more tally mark into the row of scars on my broken skin?

and why don’t you fucking get it? no matter how loud i scream. no matter how well i try to explain it. why aren’t you concerned? i just… i don’t get it.

and why… am… i… so… exhausted?


Hey guys. I just wanted to say that, well, this is a vent poem. Basically, I’ve been having a lot of bad days of late, and… yeah. But that doesn’t make any of the thoughts in it true, and I know I’ve said this before, but I feel like it’s important to say again. You’re not a bad person for struggling. You’re not alone, even if you feel like it.  Suicide and self-harm aren’t solutions. But at the same time, expressing those feelings is, to me, incredibly important in terms of processing them and dealing with them in a healthy way. So please, if this poem hits close to home with you, reach out. Talk to someone you trust–a parent, a teacher, a friend, a counsellor. Just the fact that you related to this poem is a sign that you’re not the only one who feels this way. And please, hang in there. I promise that someday, someday, we’re not going to feel this way.

-dragonwritesthings

january 5th, 2020

paper flowers and half-closed eyelids and i could get up and do something, or stop spinning myself up in circles over nothing. but… i don’t want to.

and i’m constantly tired until the lightning shoots through my veins and fuck. i just… leave me alone, okay? let me curl up on this couch and let my body leave an imprint on the cushion as i slowly fade away because i don’t want to think. i don’t really want to do anything today.

don’t want to see my friends, or write a poem, or go on a walk, or dance around the kitchen.

auto-play episodes and crumpled clouds in my palms, and how do i know it’s real, and how do i know who to trust, and maybe… maybe i’m wrong.


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stop

trigger warning: suicidal thoughts. need to talk? crisis lines are here.

unfinished shitty poems, and i’m spinning around in circles, and please leave me alone.

because i am sick, and broken.  a porcelain doll, falling apart on your staircase at 2 in the morning and i think i want to die, or maybe i’m just sleep deprived, but either way i can’t stop crying. and either way, boy does time fly, when you stare at the stars after midnight and just want to disappear inside.

and so my head becomes the hamster wheel. and i’m just wondering how long it’ll take before i just lose it. and i don’t know what i’m doing, but i wish i could stop doing it.

and you really don’t need to care like this. because i don’t want to be loved. i don’t want to be noticed. not… not like this.


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