and / i can’t breathe / and my stomach twists / and my capillaries fracture / and it all crumbles slowly / and i know what you think but can you really trust them? honestly? / and my chest shatters awkwardly / and my body catches fire / and now i am dust in the wind / and i’ll try to scream / but i don’t think anyone’s gonna hear it / and i am broken-down bones and deserted lungs / i am the epitome of trying to pour from an empty cup / and you must be so proud because / you did it / you really / fucking / did it / broke me apart / tore me down / fallen trees and power’s out / and all i want in the world right now is to get you out.
paperthin doubts. crumbling bones. and don’t you dare try to give me anything resembling a compliment, because if you do i think i might explode.
tired eyes and weak bones. and i’m sorry for crying on your staircase at two in the morning i just feel so alone. so trapped inside myself. and you’re allowed to take up space in a room, you know.
skeletal fingers and shadows in the night, slamming your eyes closed. because i’ve seen monsters, all right? i’ve been there, and i’ve done that, and nothing you throw at me could possibly compare to the villains that live in my head.
panic attack in the locker bay, mid-block all alone. and fake a smile, okay? say you’re fine when they say hello.
questioning reality. because you’ve never been in anyone’s mind but your own. and this could all just be a stimulation, or a game, or some kind of sick dream. you know?
a heart. cold as stone.
i’m losing control. i know i’m losing my control. and you’re inside of me now. swimming in my throat.
so get away from me. get away from me. because i’m going to explode.
because i’ve been hurt enough times that i am not going to take the risk of letting go. and don’t touch me. get off me. i don’t deserve your love, and in the end you’re only going to reject me. i don’t think i was made for this kind of reality.
so close your eyes, okay? say that you hate me until i beg you not to go, and gouge scars into my chest, right through my clothes. slam the door closed…
Royalty free music from https://patrickdearteaga.com/royalty-free-music/
“quiet surf on the lake” by SavvahSjuhengof on freesound.org (https://freesound.org/people/SavvahSjuhengof/sounds/345120/)
“river & lake” by klankbeeld on freesound.org (https://freesound.org/people/klankbeeld/sounds/399857/)
All sounds have been edited by me. Thank you so so much to all the amazing, talented creators who put their sound effects and music out there royalty-free. ❤
if i don’t think about it, i won’t have to do anything about it, at least for tonight. and that’s enough for me, okay? just give me one more day, where i don’t have to be afraid of who i’ll become when i turn and face the light.
if i don’t think about it, i’ll have just a little longer to hold the world in my hands, and let it stir in my chest. let it make me so scared it’s hard to breathe and did i ever not feel this exhausted?
and you see, my mind is feeling like an electric fence today. and every step forward i take is some kind of calamity, and today, my mind is endless pounding gravity, dragging me down, down, down, crushing hopes and dreams into a solid ball of matter until there’s nothing left i remember.
today, my mind plays guard. and i am its prisoner.