03/16/2020


In this episode, I talk jobs, university, confusion, and the expectations that come with growing up.

Song is “A Cool Rainy Night” by Mike Durek. It is found here (https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Michael_Durek/Piano_Music_for_The_Broken_Hearted_1221/03_A_Cool_Rainy_Night), and used according to this license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/).
It has been edited by me.

“Mimos Menguados” is from patrickdeartegea.com  and has also been edited by me.

Need to talk to anyone? Find a crisis line in your area here: https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html

All songs have been edited by me.

All sound effects made by yours truly! 🙂

The next episode will be dropping next Friday, 9a.m. PDT–make sure to subscribe/follow/add this podcast to your library/enable notifications on it to be notified when it comes out.

Find me on all my internet places here: https://linktr.ee/dragonwritesthings

And find this podcast all over the web here: https://linktr.ee/sonnetsofateenagewannabe

dizzy

one step closer. just… one step closer, through the nausea and confusion. this is your life. and you’re going to ruin it.

acid raindrops falling to the ground. close your eyes, and cover your mouth.

swallow down the vertigo. just keep walking up, up, up. just keep it up, up, up. and don’t you dare let it drop.

no matter how much i scream, i still can’t make the fire alarm turn off. lightheaded and dizzy, in the smoke pressing in around me. now am i grown up?

because i’ll never get to take this back. and there’s no time to mess up.

24 degrees

the humid air snuggles up close to me. and stays there. and my blood starts to come to a boil as i look into your eyes, because i hate you even more than i hate myself tonight. furious tears, dripping off my chin one. at. a. time.

and you know, they say the skies are rife with disease. say it’s never going back to normal. not completely. and some days, i can’t help but wonder. if this step could be the butterfly that causes the tsunami. if this is going to be the last time you get to see me…

they say i’m withering. like a parched august flower. and you know, maybe it’s time to empty out the vase. rather than just changing the water.

they say i am parched soil after a long, hot wildfire. crumbling under the slightest pressure. 

and the steam seeps into my lungs, air too thick to breathe. and little girl, is this too much for you?

because if this is enough to scare you… then you haven’t seen anything.

distant memory of a good day

it was a good day. i think. and we went to the city, and we felt like big kids all of a sudden. didn’t we? took deep breaths of the fresh blue air, and ate fancy macaroons, and pretended there was not a problem in the world we couldn’t fix, even though that really isn’t true. 

went shopping, and dressed up  like the people we wish we were. and tried to swallow down the panic. and that was one of the last times i saw you. wasn’t it? 

but it was a good day. a really, really good day. and if i had known what was coming, i wouldn’t have spent it any other way. 

and i just want to go back. want to bury myself in the past, and stay there forever. where things were okay. where every day, i didn’t wake up, and feel this fucking afraid. 

because now i’m just alone. and scared. and unsure. and sometimes, it feels like the floor is crumbling beneath me. and it’s just not like that anymore.


So apparently now I literally only write semi-depressing nostalgic poetry about all the things I miss pre-quarantine. But, I don’t know, I am starting to learn how to cope with this, and make something semi-productive out of a really hard time for me. I haven’t had a complete breakdown in a while, and I’m functioning. I’m surviving. I can’t say I’m doing “good” honestly–although I don’t know if I ever have been able to honestly say that, for a prolonged period of time. But I am doing okay, which I think is kind of all I can ask for right now. I hope you all are doing okay, too.  We’re going to get through this together. I have to believe that. Oh, yeah, and on a completely different note, the first episode of my podcast is hot off the digital press and literally just came out! You can listen to it here.

Lots of love,

dragonwritesthings

a poem practically written by my inner critic

they’re all watching you. you know that? and they’re all going to see you when you fall. because you will fall. and someday, you’re not going to be able to glue the shattered pieces back together and they’ll laugh. and they’ll kiss their lovers, and they’ll have a big, fancy ball.

and oh, my little whipping girl. you’d better be ready, when they come for you. claw, and tooth, and all. 

because it’s a scary world out there, you know. and is this really what you want to do for the rest of your life, until your body turns cold?

because i can feel the tremors in your hands. the scars spreading across your skin. and you had better fucking know that not a shred of your self-esteem is making it out alive from this.

and i know you want to tell them to truth. but maybe a little girl like you just… isn’t strong enough to.


With the upcoming release of my podcast, I’ve really been struggling with anxiety and self-consciousness. It’s scary, releasing this big project you’ve been working on for months–to people who may or may not even like it, and knowing full well that no one could even look at it, and although you can advertise the heck out of it, ultimately, you can’t control what people think of this thing you poured your heart into. And maybe people will hate it. I’m in no way a stranger to that feeling, but… well, with all of the other added stresses of a podcast release, plus keeping up with schoolwork, it hasn’t exactly been great.