My 2021 resolutions, I guess?

Hey guys! So, normally I am not one to make resolutions–or a big deal out of holidays at all, to be honest. But I’ve been kind of wanting to make some just for fun this year!

New Year’s is probably my favourite holiday. I mean, for starters, it’s the only one where you don’t have to make a super fancy meal, or spend lots of money, or in general put in tons of effort if you don’t want to. (But there’s also plenty of room to do those things, if that’s more up your alley.) Everyone is always really hopeful and excited around this time of year, it means I don’t have to worry about Christmas until next year, and also, January is really dark and depressing, so it gives you something positive to focus on. Anyway, here are my resolutions!

Get my sleep schedule back in control

So, during quarantine my sleep schedule just flew completely out of control. I was going to bed at 2 or 3am, and it made me feel awful, but I’d structured my whole day around staying up that late, so it was a mess. Anyway, in the end I managed to get my shit together, and I maintained a strict “bed at midnight” rule throughout the summer. But over the first semester of school, everything fell apart a bit, and it’s not a good feeling. So I’ve been trying to put myself to bed earlier, and force myself to adjust to a more reasonable sleep schedule.

Be more punctual

I never thought I would become that person who’s always late, but I guess here I am. In my defense, I have a lot up in the air, and it’s hard to keep track of it all. So inevitably, even if I do a really good job at one or two things–I get my blog posts done early, I finish a podcast episode on time–I end up missing an appointment, being late for school, or forgetting about something I promised to do. Even if it’s not a big deal, I always feel super guilty, and beat myself up over ir. So this year, after I get my sleep schedule fixed, I really want to work on that.

Reach out to people

So, I have social anxiety–which is a really fun add-on to my regular anxiety, I love it. Anyway, because of that, I always get really shy about reaching out to people, online and in real life–even to just say I really like their work. I always feel like I’m being irritating, or wasting people’s time, or something? I don’t know. But if there’s anything I’ve learned about writing over the years, it’s that having real, meaningful connections with people in the community go a long way, and can be super mutually beneficial. And if I’m gonna make this work, I need to let other people know I exist.

Something that ties into this for me is also getting better at marketing. I understand some of the theory of how to sell your work to an online audience, but to be honest, I’m too shy to actually do the work involved with that, and I always feel like I’m being annoying and get really freaked out? And that’s not doing me any favours, so this year I want to learn about marketing. Even if I’m too awkward to apply it, I feel like it’s a good skill to have up my sleeve.

Find a good medication

So, this isn’t really something I can guarantee will happen, or control, and in part writing this is just a way of holding myself accountable. But! For years, I’ve been trying different medications, and for whatever reason none of them have worked. The medication I’m taking now is totally useless, the only reason I take it is because if I don’t, I’ll go into withdrawal. But I’ve been putting off calling the doctor about it for months, because I hate phone appointments. (And last time, my doctor had really bad reception, so while he was telling me how to go off my meds safely, I only could make out every fourth word.)

It’s really frustrating, and tedious, but it’s also something I need to do.

And that’s about it! Like I said, I don’t know if I’ll go through with any of this, but hopefully saying it in a somewhat public setting will force me to, a bit. Do you have any New Year’s resolutions? Let me know 🙂

Lots of love,


December: Month in Photography


It’s only been a week since the start of this month, but it feels like it can’t have been been maybe a day.

I’m in a really weird place right now, honestly. But that’s probably just because I forgot to take my meds–which I’m probably gonna change, because they have zero effect on me other than making me feel worse when I don’t take them, because of withdrawal. I’ll call the doctor on Monday.


So, I have a tripod now! And I will take as many obnoxiously dramatic ocean pictures with it as I want to. (This wasn’t shot in a remote area or something, by the way, people were watching and probably thought I was super weird, but I did it anyway so ha! Take that, social anxiety!)

Anyway. It’s been getting dark so early here of late, there aren’t that many hours of light anymore. My school goes on winter break soon, too. I’m trying not to freak out; winter and spring break are always really bad for my mental health. I thrive on routine, and just being cooped up in the house with nothing to do for two weeks is kind of my personal nightmare.

I’m trying to get back on my feet, and into some kind of routine. My sleep schedule is a mess, and I’ve been just all over the place of late. But hopefully, that’ll change soon.


This morning, I went to the post office, and mailed off my Christmas gift to my friend.

It was disgustingly wet–pelting rain, and the kind of wind that whistles in your ears when you try to walk through it. But I don’t mind. I love going to the beach, when it’s like this; I always have. When no one else is there, and the whole sea feels like yours for the taking. I like to run right to shoreline, and race up to safety when a wave crashes, and sing at the top of my lungs, or just scream at the sky.

I always come home freezing cold, and soaking wet. But it’s totally worth it.


So, it snowed yesterday! I’ve been waiting, like, two months to post a casual snow picture in one of these posts, as though this is a casual occurrence for me. (Even through in reality, where I live we get maybe two or three days of snow a year.)

I woke up to four new auditions for my audio drama–and snow falling outside my bedroom window. Honestly, it was the first time in ages that… I don’t know, the world pleasantly surprised me. Which was nice.

I got some pretty cool early Christmas presents, too! Even if it started raining after maybe two hours of snow, and everything got all gross and slushy, it was a good day.


So, today was Christmas. I’ve never been a huge Christmas person–honestly, it’s usually pretty lonely and depressing, and shopping for gifts is always stressful, and there’s so much social pressure surrounding it, to have this perfect day or whatever, and the fact that the year is ending soon really isn’t helping things. I’m trying to write a poem, but it just keeps coming out wrong.

I’m super tired, and stressed out, and I feel like something is gonna go wrong–because nothing bad has happened in my life for a few days now, and that’s weird, and terrifying, because something bad is gonna happen soon–I can feel it.

I’m gonna try and put myself to bed early. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.


Ugh, I’m so tired. Technically I did get eight hours of sleep, but for some reason I feel like collapsing on the floor and never getting back up again.

I have a lot of stuff to do though–and I can’t afford to spend another day binging Parks and Rec all afternoon. The new year is only a few days away, and I guess it’s just depressing–looking back at last year, remembering the excitement and hope in the air, and realizing… it’s just not there anymore?

I have really bad writer’s block, too. And I’m trying to edit a podcast episode, which is a headache, and yeah, altogether, this is just not a good day.

I’m getting so fed up of winter break. I can’t wait to have to go places again, and catch the bus, and use the automatic hand sanitizer dispenser thingies we have at school, like, a million times. Even though I’ll still be sad, but at least I’ll have some semblance of routine to distract me.


Okay, so technically I’m writing this on January 1st–because last night I was really tired, and not in the best mood, which didn’t seem like a good note to end this post on. (I try to be reasonably uplifting.) Anyway, let’s ignore that, shall we? Wonderful.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this year–and trying to work out what the hell I want it to look like for me, even though in reality I don’t feel like I have much of a choice in that matter.

Last year, I remember for New Years, because we were all making a super big deal out of the new year back then, my friends and I had a sleepover. We stayed up until midnight, and played Monopoly, and ate these really good nachos, and went outside to look at the stars. We made up our own constellations, but I can’t remember what they were now. It felt like something out of a movie.

I’d just spoken at WE Day a month earlier, and I felt like finally, I could see a future for myself I actually wanted. I had this whole vision plotted out in my head. All these amazing people I was gonna meet, things I was gonna do…

And then COVID happened, and life slammed into me like a soccer ball to the gut, and none of that stuff happened. And instead… I ended up making a podcast, Sonnets of a Teenage Wannabe, getting a job over the summer, planning out my finances, writing an audio drama and starting to work with actual voice actors, and getting ready to graduate next year. I hope this doesn’t come across like I’m bragging, or anything like that–it just helps to remind myself this wasn’t a year wasted.

I tend to plan things really far ahead–I have the next decade of my life worked out already. Where I want to live, how I’m gonna decorate my apartment, how much I can afford to pay for rent, how much I need to put aside to save for retirement a year… you get the idea.

I like certainty and routine, and when things don’t go according to plan, I beat myself up over it, even if the change is good. I’m constantly evaluating myself based on some outdated rubric, and sometimes I forget to look up, and see things for what they are.

This year wasn’t what I thought it would be. It was awful, and traumatizing for pretty much everyone, I think, and overall a giant letdown.

I don’t think I believe in destiny or fate or anything like that. But I do believe that something good has to come from this, even if it’s hard to imagine that right now. And that I’m on the right path, no matter how dark and lonely it feel in this moment.

Partially just for the sake of my own sanity–but you know.

Lots of love,