because i am a volcano

and the stress piles up on my shoulders. and i run faster, and faster, and faster. and i set myself on fire, and then wonder why i don’t sleep so well anymore. and my thoughts are shattered glass, and i don’t know what the truth is, and i am a volcano. so i close my eyes. and fake a smile. and try not to cry. because i am a volcano, and villains don’t cry. so i blow my chance, and tell you everything is fine. and i keep going. and i keep going. and i keep going, despite everything that’s happening. and i think myself to nothing, and i get good grades, but i don’t learn much of anything, and i hide in the corner believing pointless things, waiting for someone to rescue me. or something. and i tell myself over and over again how much i deserve this, until i start to believe it. bit. by. bit.


a vent poem i wrote after a really stressful day. because i just in general feel like i’ve been really over-extending myself of late. (oh yeah, and because pretty much everything i post is heavy these days, find a crisis line in your region here.)


keywords: poetry blogs, poetry blog sites, poetry blog wordpress, poetry blog websites, poetry on a blog, anonymous poetry blog, poetry blogs best, contemporary poetry blog, deep poetry blog, poetry blogs free, poetry blog sites free, poetry blog on wordpress

bury me

trigger warning: implied self harm reference

i can only think at night for a reason, okay? because when it’s light out, everything just screams at me. and the sun stabs into my eyes, and i just want you to bury me. in food, or stories, or music, or anything that will make the time pass more quickly. bury me. because i don’t want to feel anything. i don’t want to be anybody. and i don’t want to think about what i’ve just done. because who was i, to kid myself that i could take care of anybody? and i can’t think, and i can’t breathe, and i can’t comprehend what’s happening to me, but i want it to stop, okay? i want all of this to stop. and i want to curl up, in a room with no lights and no people and no wifi. and i just want to write this all out. and breathe, until i’m okay. but i guess you don’t understand that. so let me try to explain it a different way. i’m tired. i’m tired of all of this. i’m tired of being at war with my head. i’m tired of not getting it. and i don’t want to hurt myself. i just want to feel nothing for a second.


sometimes i feel like i’ve spent my whole life hiding from myself. running from who i am and who i might become, and the relationships i might have had if i hadn’t been so afraid of letting them blossom. this poem is pretty heavy, so just in case, here’s a list of crisis lines just in case you need them.


keywords: poetry blogs, poetry blog sites, poetry blog wordpress, poetry blog websites, poetry on a blog, anonymous poetry blog, poetry blogs best, contemporary poetry blog, deep poetry blog, poetry blogs free, poetry blog sites free, poetry blog on wordpress, original poetry blog, poetry writing blog, poetry writers blog, poetry creative writing blog, mental health and poetry, poetry on mental health, writing poetry mental health, young female poets, young living poets, young modern poets, upcoming young poets, young writers high school, young writers in the world, young writers online, young writers of canada, young writers of canada 2019, young writers poetry, young writers quotes, young writers 2019

midnight

trigger warning: self-harm

and my heart pounds in my chest like the world’s gonna end. and for some reason, i feel like throwing up. and i want to cut myself. and i want to explode, but i can’t say no. because it’ll never be as good as it was. and because i will never be as good as i was. because i will never rise up, like i’ve always dreamed of being able to rise up. and good god, can you just try to act something like an immature grown-up? because there’s no time to be confused. even though the world is turning black and white. and i won’t let myself go to sleep until midnight. and i’m drifting out of my skin. because i’m not in control. because who said i was ever in control? and i want to scream, but there’s no room in this world for my voice right now. and the moonlight screeches through the window, and the world turns black and white. and for a moment, i forget everything i’ve ever wanted. everything i’ve ever stood for. and i stand in front of the mirror… and i don’t even know who this person is anymore.


i wrote this at just after midnight on a really, really bad day a couple weeks ago. i’m not sure, but things feel like they might be getting a little better now. anyway, this deals with some heavy stuff, so just in case you need it–find a crisis line in your area here.


keywords: poetry blogs, poetry blog sites, poetry blog wordpress, poetry blog websites, poetry on a blog, anonymous poetry blog, poetry blogs best, contemporary poetry blog, deep poetry blog, poetry blogs free, poetry blog sites free, poetry blog on wordpress, original poetry blog, poetry writing blog, poetry writers blog, poetry creative writing blog, mental health and poetry, poetry on mental health, writing poetry mental health, young female poets, young living poets, young modern poets, upcoming young poets, young writers high school, young writers in the world, young writers online, young writers of canada, young writers of canada 2019, young writers poetry, young writers quotes, young writers 2019

september 30th, 2019

i took you to town on our lunch hour. just the two of us. in the crisp autumn air, touring vintage shops and bookstores like typical high school students. with typical jansport backpacks. laughing, and looking at books and geeking out about things i bet no one else would even notice. and maybe this is what meeting your soulmate looks like. like finally finding someone who speaks your language. someone who lights up every room they’re in. because i took you to town, and showed you around, and… i was happy. for a moment. i was okay. i was the eye between the storms, and i was okay. and i know it’s such a small thing. but it meant the world to me. that day. i hope you know that. i hope you know how many of my favourite memories were made with you. and i hope you know that the falling leaves did not feel like death omens as long as i stayed there. beside you. and i hope you know how much i love you. because i do. i love you. like a sister i never got to have. like the first real friend i’ve ever had. like one of the best people i know. i love you. 


keywords: poetry blogs, poetry blog sites, poetry blog wordpress, poetry blog websites, poetry on a blog, anonymous poetry blog, poetry blogs best, contemporary poetry blog, deep poetry blog, poetry blogs free, poetry blog sites free, poetry blog on wordpress, original poetry blog, poetry writing blog, poetry writers blog, poetry creative writing blog, mental health and poetry, poetry on mental health, writing poetry mental health, young female poets, young living poets, young modern poets, upcoming young poets, young writers high school, young writers in the world, young writers online, young writers of canada, young writers of canada 2019, young writers poetry, young writers quotes, young writers 2019

 

seeking after an ideal i do not know how to become

because you are a puzzle piece, and you don’t fit. and maybe all you can do is pretend it’s fine, even though it isn’t. because you are a puzzle piece. which means you’re supposed to be normal. and good at explaining things to people when they need help with shit. even though i’m crying on the kitchen floor, and i can’t figure out how to make sense of this, and my head is so heavy, and i don’t know how much longer i can handle the weight of carrying it. and honestly, i’m just making this up as i go, and i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know, and i’m standing in front of what feels like the whole world, and the weight of even being looked at is enough to make me want to explode. and so i’ll whittle myself to perfection as i stand before the mirror until this face looking back isn’t anyone i  know. and maybe if i fell, no one would even know… or maybe they all would know… and maybe they would scream, and shout, and offer hands only to then… let… go… and so i let go… and so i scream… and so i fall apart… and so i laugh because laughing is what i’m supposed to do, and because laughing is what hurts the most… and because i’m supposed to be normal, right? or no one will love me? because seriously. i don’t know.


it feels like i’m slowly shredding myself down to nothing these days. i’m trying to be perfect. i’m doing a pretty good job at meeting my outrageous expectations for myself. but when i look in the mirror, it’s hard to recognize the person looking back at me. on the worst days. i used to know how to be myself, and now… i don’t know.


keywords: poetry blogs, poetry blog sites, poetry blog wordpress, poetry blog websites, poetry on a blog, anonymous poetry blog, poetry blogs best, contemporary poetry blog, deep poetry blog, poetry blogs free, poetry blog sites free, poetry blog on wordpress, original poetry blog, poetry writing blog, poetry writers blog, poetry creative writing blog, mental health and poetry, poetry on mental health, writing poetry mental health, young female poets, young living poets, young modern poets, upcoming young poets, young writers high school, young writers in the world, young writers online, young writers of canada, young writers of canada 2019, young writers poetry, young writers quotes, young writers 2019